Posted By: Michael Sweeney May 5, 2009
Note: This piece is cross-posted at Eyes on Obama So, George H. W. Bush’s sole real, lasting gift to the American people – David Souter as a Supreme Court Justice – is ending after a fine 18-1/2-year run. Fair enough – I always thought of Souter as both an excellent Justice…AND as a bit of a jerky prank on right-winger John Sununu, who helped push for Judge Souter’s elevation (they were both from New Hampshire) – and who then sulked about the Justice’s drift (once on the Supreme Court bench) to the considerable left.
Now comes word that not only will President Obama get to pick his first Supreme Court Justice relatively early in his term (potentially also coming soon – the retirement of the other Republican-appointed court liberal, Justice John Paul Stevens)…but it seems that several different voices are making the same points about this opportunity: That Obama should perhaps consider picking the next Supreme Court Justice from someplace other than this country’s lower courts.
"I would like to see more people from outside the judicial monastery…somebody who has had some real-life experience," said Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy, the Democrat from Vermont. The Senate’s newest Dem also agreed, with Pennsylvania’s Sen. Arlen Specter saying that perhaps the next Justice could be someone "who has done something more than wear a black robe for most of their lives." He even added that it could be "Perhaps a statesman – or a stateswoman" of some type.
Well, those quotes got me to thinking about it – and why not? Let’s try something a little different this time, eh? I mean, in this country, we just got over 8 years of a President who wasn’t really a political leader or an inspiring thinker at all…and I live in Illinois, where our last two elected Governors were a former pharmacist (who is now in jail) and a glad-handing guy with a great haircut who apparently never wanted to leave his house (and who is now fighting to stay out of jail AND get onto a survival-type reality show). Hey, this is the 21st Century – very modern times! Who says we can’t fill traditional roles with less-than-expected candidates?
OK – with all that in mind…here are a few more "real-life" potential Supreme Court Justices to replace Souter (including the plusses and minuses for each one):
Can’t Spell "Court" Without An "O" – Oprah Winfrey
Plusses: Female, well-known, FOB (Friend of Barack), never fears sharing her opinions…
Minuses: They don’t televise Supreme Court proceedings, do they? (Also – out of habit, would tend to dominate any cover shots for "Supreme Court Justices Magazine.")
Likelihood of accepting appointment: What, and take that nearly infinite pay cut?
Your Next Apprentice (Rather Than Associate) Justice – Donald Trump
Plusses: Been in and out of court (mostly bankruptcy) plenty of times already.
Minuses: Might try to fire the other justices out of habit; will likely call for replacement of Ruth Bader Ginsburg with Morgan Fairchild or Nicollette Sheridan…
Likelihood of accepting appointment: Depends upon eventual availability of Chief Justice spot…
"A Statesman…or a Stateswoman" – Did Someone Mention The Clintons?
Plusses: Just like in ’92 (and the attempted ’08 plan), could we get some sort of a two-for-one deal going for us?
Minuses: Oh man, if it’s Bill, how often do you think he’d go au naturel under that robe?
Likelihood of accepting appointment: You gotta figure Bill’s already loving the whole "Hillary wandering the globe as Secretary of State" thing – so, I’m not sure if A) He’d much appreciate her hanging around Washington fulltime if she got picked…or B) Having to get back on an alarm-clock schedule himself if HE got the appointment.
Turn on the TV and There Almost ALWAYS Seems to Be Some "Judge" On – Judge Judy, Judge Alex, Judge Mathis, Judge Joe Brown, "The People’s Court’s" Judge Milian, Judge David Young, Judge Hatchett, etc.
Plusses: Quite the variety of male / female, straight / gay, white / black / Hispanic / Jewish, older / youngish choices…
Minuses: Not many Supreme Court cases actually deal with brother-in-laws refusing to pay back $350 loans or ex-roommates being accused of selling off left-behind furniture…
Likelihood of accepting appointment: It depends...how many weeks can they contract for – 13, 26…or a guaranteed whole season or two?
"Give the Court Your Full, Honest Assessment of This Issue, Right Now! – Or I Will Shoot You in the Kneecap!! And Do Not Think That I Am Kidding You!!!" – "Jack Bauer"
Plusses: No problem if court sessions go long, since he easily works through 24-hour days.
Minuses: Fictional character (played by an actor – Kiefer Sutherland – with both Canadian and British citizenship).
Likelihood of accepting appointment: Hey, whatever a US President asks Bauer to do, he’s always willing to do it – even if it may put his life in ultimate danger!
…And Each Court Session Could Be Bombastically Introduced By That Sawn-Off Lil’ Ryan Seacrest Dude – The "American Idol" Judges
Plusses: Already the best-known, most-popular (AND most-hated…and most-ridiculed) judges in America.
Minuses: Simon’s mean (AND foreign), Paula is freakin’ insane, Randy’s always calling everybody "Dog," and I don’t even know the new chick’s name…
Likelihood of accepting appointment: Not until their current, well-rewarding jobs are done – call it another 6 to 8 years (holy yikes!)…
Of Course, Since He’s Obama’s "Best Friend"! – Bill Ayers
Plusses: Um…he may have some courtroom experience in his past…
Minuses: Look, I could have made some "Joe the Plumber" jokes (including using a plunger as a gavel), so…at least this is perhaps a little bit less awkward…
Likelihood of accepting appointment: [The suspicious right-wingers are just knowingly nodding now…]
…Wait, I Think I’ve Finally Got It! I Mean, Who Didn’t Love "Caddyshack"? – "Judge Elihu Smails"
Plusses: Would make Justice Clarence Thomas look like some kind of legal scholar in comparison…
Minuses: Oops, another fictional character…and this one played by a guy who’s dead now (Ted Knight…
Likelihood of accepting appointment: "Danny, I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them…" Oh, he’s just so wise! (Plus, that Bill O’Reilly-like, so-unflaggingly-sure-of-himself voice…) He would be freakin’ GREAT on the Supreme Court…
Wait, Wait…Now, This (Non-Traditional) Suggestion is Actually Pretty SERIOUS – Al Gore
Plusses: Redemptive irony, more than 8 years after the Supreme Court helped cost him the Presidency with its ruling in Bush v. Gore…
Minuses: There might not ever be much pleasant water cooler chat between Justice Gore and Justice Scalia…
Likelihood of accepting appointment: All it will take is a few seconds for the former VP to respond, "Whatever you think is best, Mr. President (and thanks again for asking me)…"
Of course, I managed to skip making jokes about Judge Reinhold, "Judge Dredd," and even the perhaps two most embarrassing actual judges in the US, Lance Ito (from the O.J. disaster) and Larry Seidlin (who incomprehensibly presided over the Anna Nicole Smith case with his corny jokes and weepy interjections)…But – hey, it’s still early in the process, right?. Who knows what may possibly come next…
OK, OK – so we KNOW it won’t be any of these (except maybe Gore or one of the Clintons), but…that whole "real-life" suggestion ain’t so bad at all. Time will tell if those Dem Senators are maybe pre-floating a concept for the President – or perhaps just doing a little out-loud thinking. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by anything. (Well, OK – if it somehow DID turn out to be Bill Ayers, then I WOULD be pretty surprised…but…I don’t think we have to worry THAT…)
Look for my regular posts here on The Stonecipher Report. (And, for a free subscription to my twice-weekly e-mail column on politics and pop-culture, "And, in the News…" send a note to: [email protected])
Recent Comments