Posted By: Michael Sweeney July 5, 2009 What a delightful 233rd birthday gift for the (lately) at-times tired, wheezing, what-the-hell-comes-next? United States of America (however, still the best idea AND reality of a nation in the history of the world) (see, ya RW nutjobs – we Libs absolutely love our country, too…just – generally – more intelligently and less blindly…): The resignation of Sarah Palin as Governor of Alaska…and, therefore, the END – no question about it, whatsoever – of her effective political career. See ya later, ya QUITTER!!! Ya bitter little quitter!
Oh, she’ll cash a bunch of speaker- and appearance-fee checks (some, even in the 6-figure range)…she’ll put out a folksy, plain-spoken book (whose contents she will not have even partially dictated, much less WRITTEN)…she may even turn her remaining years of secondary-level, lower-market semi-tele-attractiveness (kinda like the, say, fill-in, Saturday-only, aging weathergirl on the third-place station in the Minot, North Dakota-area market) into some TV-hosting duties. (And let’s all take a randomly stabbing guess at which cable network would be most likely to eventually hire her? Hmm…could it start with an "F," end with an "X," and have plenty o’ unverified, partisan crap jammed in the middle? Yep, I think so…)
…But – her political career? Her chances as a 2012 or 2016 (yeah, like she has strategic patience or anything…) Presidential candidate? Bah! Let me just say that the US would be as likely to see future "President John Edwards" or "President Dan Quayle" as it would to ever shudder through "President Sarah Palin." She quit…and that’s it.
She will – of course – still have supporters (if the "plain-speaking" idiot "Joe the Plumber" doesn’t drain too many of them away with HIS moronic, misguided attempts at conservative faux-populism)…AND, sure, she would attract some – perhaps even a significant amount in some places – fired-up, Republican-base primary voters. But…you see, American general-election voters, we just don’t particularly like quitters.
Oh, we will generally accept (for now, anyway – until more potential corruption news leaks out of the 49th State) her "for my family" excuse-making – if all this attention and pressure that comes with the field she had chosen and the job she had sought to fill has so negatively effected her family, then here’s hoping that this time away from the pressure-cooker of Juneau will help them settle back into whatever preferred state of being they wish to occupy. (And, of course, let’s effortlessly blow off her "I don’t want to be a lame duck" excuse, since – of course – what would have turned her into a lame duck Governor was – D’Oh! – her as-yet-unnecessary announcement that she would not be running for re-election; she made herself into a (albeit brief) lame duck in the beginning of her announcement the other day…and then quit her job by the end of it!)
Because we’re in a much more media-drenched world these days (and, despite her many other lackings, she DOES know how to fairly effectively sustain media interest in herself), she will not necessarily fade away, as she might have in a time without 24-hour news channels, nearly countless blogs, and multiple non-mainstream ways to keep your name, face, and "ldeas" in front of the public…(I can just picture the Facebook entry in a few months: "Sarah Palin is…wondering which of her strangely-named kids is off somewhere, smoking, drinking, or getting pregnant…")
She’s – of course – not a modern equivalent of once-powerful, all-but-forgotten also-rans like Ed Muskie, Thomas Eagleton, or even Mario Cuomo…and, despite what some blabbering heads may try to sell, neither is her resignation and (perhaps only few-months) stepping back from the campaigning political world ANYTHING like Dick Nixon’s 1962 "You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore" post-California-Gov-loss step back…which, of course, eventually led to his 1968 election as President. First of all, as truly darkly evil as Tricky Dick was, he was also a longtime calculating political genius, surrounded by not just true believers (and, oh, Palin’s no doubt got PLENTY of those), but by SMART, EXPERIENCED, and ENTRENCHED true believers…AND – of course – do not forget that by that point in the beginning of the end of the "Old Dick" (prior to the later rebirth of the "New Dick"), Nixon had already been a Congressman, Senator, and Vice President (AND a whisper-shy-of-winning Presidential candidate) for several decades…which beats the hell out of being a near-empty-state Governor for like two-and-a-half years plus a pathetically losing VP candidate. (Heck, comparatively, the near-ultimate-political-lightweight of the last couple of decades – Dan "Potatoe" Quayle – is MUCH closer to being Nixon-like than Palin, having at least been a Senator from a medium-sized state AND then a serving Vice President…and, of course, we all know what heavy impact HIS good looks and pointless thoughts ended up having on the ongoing political process in this country – zero; not even any in his own party…)
So…here’s a we-can’t-stop-guffawing send-off to that empty-headed, oh-so-symbolic figure of the current Republican Party, Sarah Palin – the kind of sadly post-modern-idiotically "New Republican" that is making (admittedly selfish) figures like Sen. Arlen Specter flee their party AND old-line, "real" Republicans like Colin Powell and Ron Paul shake their heads and wonder how their party has moved so far away from them.
Hey, up until her resignation, I would’ve taken Palin and Dick Cheney against the ENTIRE REST of the potential 2012 Republican field…and I’m the guy who came within a few thousand votes in Missouri of exactly nailing President Obama’s Electoral College total…AND just recently nearly-exactly called Creigh Deeds’ winning percentage in the 3-way primary in Virginia – so, I pay close attention to what’s going on (so all of you don’t necessarily have to; thank you – thank you very much)…
But now? Man, I don’t want to run my favorite Conrad / "Heart of Darkness" quote – you know, the whole, "Mistah Kurtz? He dead…" thing – into the ground (having recently used it for the political death of Mark Sanford), but…well – Sarah Palin, she is DEFINITELY politically dead now...
Well, let me just say, "Have an enjoyable post-career life, Sarah!"…and, as we allow you to eventually drop off our radar screens, we’ll try to keep in mind that, locally, in Alaska, they are referred to as "snow-machines," NOT "snowmobiles." Hey, at least you can say you had THAT impact on us – the ruling, happily Obama-supporting "Lower 48ers." So, you’ve got THAT going for you…(which is NICE)…
Look for my regular posts here on The Stonecipher Report. (And, for a free subscription to my twice-weekly e-mail column on politics and pop-culture, "And, in the News…" send a note to: m_l_sweeney@hotmail.com)
