The Top Ten Fattest Things I've Done This Year
Posted By: The Rick
July 5, 2008
Since June 30 is the end of the fiscal year for many businesses and educational institutions, we here at TSR are taking this opportunity to look back on fiscal ’08 and take stock.
Since none of us made enough money to even file taxes, about the only thing to take stock of is where our money got spent.
To nobody’s surprise, Stonecipher and The Rick spent more money on food than everything else combined in FY08. In fact being chunky and its resultant laziness has really become a hobby and lifestyle more than just a mere pastime.
So in an effort to spread the word, here is The Rick’s Top Ten Fattest Things I’ve done this year/How I know I’m a true “Fat Guy”:
Number 10: Eaten Ranch dressing for 26 consecutive days (and counting) and not once has that ranch topped a salad.
Number 9: I was filling up gas and saw a sign in the window of the station advertising candy on sale, so I drove from the pump to the station to buy half priced candybars.
Number 8: Number 9 happened while I was on my way to the China Buffet. (With several ziplocks to take home some extra General Tso’s).
Number 7: Stonecipher is notorious for the cheeseburger and cheese fry meal, but last September after ordering the same meal I considered asking the guy behind the counter for a little squirt of cheese in my Coke. I only reconsidered due to my intense fear of failure.
Number 6: Now that I think about it, just knowing how many straight days I’ve eaten ranch should probably make the list. And the best part is I still haven’t found anything it doesn’t go well on.
Number 5: Taking the elevator UP one floor is bad enough, but I can recall at least seven times that I've taken the elevator DOWN one floor in FY08.
Number 4: Sometime in mid-March I adopted a policy of always making sure to plan my next meal while ordering or consuming my current meal.
Number 3: Last winter I ate half a pound of Hard Salami while shopping at Wal-Mart. Let me tell you, having the checkout girl scan an empty bag is relatively embarrassing. Now, I don’t want to stir up the whole Wal-Mart controversy again, but the deli counter is my first stop every time I embark on a trip to “The Wal”.
Number 2: I’ve gone exclusively to shorts and khakis with elastic waistbands...just in case.
Ugh...no time for number 1, I’ve got a couple burgers on the old Foreman Grill so I better run, but if being a “Fat Guy” is your way of life too, let us know, maybe we can share some ideas.
Til next time, this is The Rick!
